Pretty Dumb
So I feel pretty dumb right now. I lied to my dad and I didn't need to. I act stupid around my friends and I've been a basic dumbass all day. I understand why I am the way I am I just don't want to accept it because I don't know how to change it. It's something that I wish were dynamic but seems to be static. Hmm, I don't know exactly where I'm going with this. I seem to just be being a bitch as is the usual.
I need a break.
From what, I don't know.
Or maybe I do and am afraid to admit it
...or at least act upon it.
Maybe I just need to stop this post, before it becomes another bitch fest. That's all I seem to do here; complain about my life and worry about punctuation. Why does it all matter. My problems are stupid. They're all in my head and if I had half a brain to think about it I would stop, but I have a whole one and am able to rationalize everything. And I know that you can rationalize anything, but I just twist in circles until I spin my self dizzy and fall into the pit that I was trying to stay out of and then get into. It doesn't make any sense.
Maybe if I had a half a brain I could have faith too. Or at least accept it more easily. Not to say that all people who do have faith are dumb but it would easier if I didn't tie myself in knots.
Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. I'm not that smart and I'm just afraid of commitment.
I'm such a dumbass. I don't know how to end it without hurting myself. But why do I matter
I don't think I matter but some of the things I do do matter for some stupid reason. I've been given a bunch of responsibilities and almost no want to live on this earth.
Maybe that's why I've been given responsibilities. Gosh this hurts. Pain helps me though, it motivates me. I need more pain. It'll make everything okay.
I need a break.
From what, I don't know.
Or maybe I do and am afraid to admit it
...or at least act upon it.
Maybe I just need to stop this post, before it becomes another bitch fest. That's all I seem to do here; complain about my life and worry about punctuation. Why does it all matter. My problems are stupid. They're all in my head and if I had half a brain to think about it I would stop, but I have a whole one and am able to rationalize everything. And I know that you can rationalize anything, but I just twist in circles until I spin my self dizzy and fall into the pit that I was trying to stay out of and then get into. It doesn't make any sense.
Maybe if I had a half a brain I could have faith too. Or at least accept it more easily. Not to say that all people who do have faith are dumb but it would easier if I didn't tie myself in knots.
Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. I'm not that smart and I'm just afraid of commitment.
I'm such a dumbass. I don't know how to end it without hurting myself. But why do I matter
I don't think I matter but some of the things I do do matter for some stupid reason. I've been given a bunch of responsibilities and almost no want to live on this earth.
Maybe that's why I've been given responsibilities. Gosh this hurts. Pain helps me though, it motivates me. I need more pain. It'll make everything okay.
posted by Starpit @ 9:28 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:06 AM,
flarfu said…
Yeah, Earth is capitalized. Besides that, chill out, bro.
At 2:09 AM,
David said…
relax, Brian. you're on summer vacation. everyone has problems, the trick is to not let it get the best of you. yes, its as easy as it sounds, if you allow it to be.
At 10:33 PM,
Matt said…
I know that growing up is strange, but lieing is normal for teens. Honestly, it's just a sign of you adjusting to being an adult. but not everything is as bad as it sounds, don't hold yourself to this unobtainable standard, you have flaws, your dad has flaws, pretty much everything you can think of has imperfections, just don't get caught up in your own.
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